Wednesday, July 09, 2008

chuck palahniuk

I hate him. I really hate him.

It all started back in Junior year of high school. My Physics teacher was absent and the teacher who was covering our class was cool, so she let us listen to our iPods and pretty much do whatever we want. The kid sitting in front of me, who I was pretty good friends with at the time, was reading a book. I asked him what it was and he explained that it was called Choke and was written by a guy named Chuck Palahniuk. I had heard of the title and the author before, so I was interested.

Two days later my mom mentioned she had to take my sister to the library for a book. I told her to look for Choke and take it out for me. She obliged. And so a few hours later I had a library copy of Choke by Chuck Palahniuk in my hands. Three days later I finished it. I wasn't impressed. I was actually pretty disappointed. I forwarded this disappointment to the friend that recommended it to me. He said he thought it was really good. I disagreed. He frowned. I told him that I would try another Palahniuk work though.

I was true to my word though. I did read another Palahniuk book. I read Fight Club which is pretty much supposed to be his Mona Lisa. Well, I disagreed again. I thought the book was alright, but not the amazing novel that so many people were raving about. I thought it was pretty much just OK. Whatever. My friend told me to try again. How many times can I try? Well three is a good number, no? I went to my library and took out Invisible Monsters, yet another borefest by Palahniuk. Not only did I hate the book, I couldn't even finish it. It was horrific.

The number one thing I hate about his novels is the amount of sex. Every plot, story, character, scene, chapter, and page of every single one of his books has to do with sex. It's really, really annoying. There are so many spectacular authors who became famous without using sex in their stories. I don't get why he has to write the stories that he does.

I pretty much think anything this man puts his hand on is destined to be shitty and boring. You know that guy in the Skittles commercial who touches things and they turn to Skittles? Well make believe Chuck Palahniuk is that guy and instead of things turning to Skittles they turn to big, heaping piles of cow dung.

Basically, I hate Chuck Palahniuk.

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